The importance of facing conflicts

The most common coaching practices that are used in the workplace to address interpersonal conflicts have the approach of bringing the two people together and have each other speak with trust and honesty about what made them behave in a certain way, or what they saw in the other person that made them behave in that way.

The conversation is usually suggested to be driven with sentences starting with “I” instead of “you”, as with the latter it’s easy to put the blame on the other. And this practice is good, as if you communicate in terms of blaming the other person, that sets the conversation for failure.

This kind of conversation speaks to a part of us which feels heard and seen, it has a therapeutical effect, and builds trust between people. All of which is good. However, often times the real issues stay unaddressed, because they are deeper and don’t have anything to do with the other person, but with our own selves.

A much more deep exploration is required, a look inwards to understand what is raising from within us under that conflict. Usually, it’s a part of us we reject, don’t want to see in our lives, and harshly push away. But a part of ourselves that wants to be seen, acknowledged, and accepted. And until that is not done, the same conflicts will repeat again and again.

This is why one of the best things you can do is learn to go through life facing conflicts in a healthy way. Outside conflicts offer us the opportunity to resolve inner conflicts. If you, however, run away from conflicts, you are missing these opportunities, and thus perpetuate repeating patterns you would rather not see in your life.